My, this blogging is something to behold. I was completly unaware of it until a sophisticated London mate told me all about it. It has taken me days to work out how to get my own, not least becos there was a queue for the stolen lap-top in the crack flat I'm currently living in. To be honest, once I've used my dole cheque there's not much else to do. Using the empty Tennants Extra cans can only keep you amused for so long, though the range of jewellry is very good, it's not really selling. Mind you, that incident outside Pound Stretcher didn't really help, but the sharp, jagged edges are all part of the charm and beauty of the pieces.
Anyway, while I was waiting for my go on the lap-top, I decided to kill time by visiting my mate, Theresa Cheese. She's the filthiest bitch you've ever met in your life, keeps trying to tell me she's got Terrett's Syndrome, but I know full well she has the mind of a docker in the sewer. Having said that, she is very funny and you're always safe when you're out with her as she screams filthy abuse at anyone who comes near her. So once I've got past the stolen burnt out cars in her road and run the gauntlet past the wild pet horses on the green across the road, I bang at the steel grille on her front door. As usual, there is the sound of Trisha on, with Theresa screaming with laughter at the 'soft arses' who go on the show to blub and air their dirty laundry. She opens the door and hauls me inside. Cos she has a child, she got this house and doesn't have to stay in a stinking crack flat like I do. Mind you, Terry her son is 16 now and went to live with his grandparents a long time ago. As it's 10am, we break open some cans she stole from her local shop and have a fag, wondering what to do with the rest of the day. It was pissing with rain as usual and we thougt we'd take a walk into town to see what interesting things we could find to do. Now I have a bit of a weakness, well not so much a weakness as a soft spot. Whenever I see an old person struggling through town, I just burst into tears. This is a bone of contention between me and Theresa as she hates them and thinks they shoudl be put down as they get in her effing way. This particular day was to be a testing day for both of us. We were walking down a thin back lane when we found an elderly couple trudging along in front of us. I saw Theresa twitching with annoyance before she opened her mouth to scream at them. My eyes full of tears, I leapt on her to keep her quiet and stop her turning violent. As we wrestled around on the floor, the couple turned round and stared in confusion before recognition invaded their faces.
"Theresa?"
"Mam? Dad?"
I lie flat on the pavement, tired all of a sudden. Theresa jumps up and goes for coffee with them. I stay still, lying on the pavement until the police arrive and arrest for causing an obstruction.